Day to Day...

Today was a pretty good day overall...after I dropped Laynee of at Preschool I came home and made some phone calls...one was to UCLA...I had been referred to doctors there in a round about way from a friend of a friend and then Mike Buccowich called and said that they had a follow-up appointment for Susan yesterday at UCLA (with one of the same doc's my friend had mentioned) and they explained about Jeff's case to their doc's...they were told to have us come in ( if that isn't a word from the Lord, I don't know what is)...so...we have an appointment next week Wednesday!! Also, from my cousins sister-in-law I was referred to doctors at Barrow Neurological Institute at St. Joseph's Hospital in Phoenix, Arizona. I will call them tomorrow. I also made an eye doc appointment for Jeff. His eyesight was kind of off before they found the tumor and I don't think it's gotten better or worse since...but...he seems to be mentioning it a lot lately, so we might as well rule it out as tumor related...also, it just may be that he is 43 and it's time for glasses...so at least we can determine all of that. I felt a bit more positive after getting those few phone calls done...maybe something will pay off for us.

Please pray for Jeff's depression and hopelessness...knowing that the treatments did not work, he feels very defeated right now. I need more strength & also hope...I'm finding that sometimes I don't believe myself when I tell him it's going to be okay.

You are a blessing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~Jayne~

Some of you already know...but...the Dr. called this afternoon to tell me that the Chemo and radiation that Jeff has gone through did not work...the MRI he had last Thursday showed no shrinkage and maybe even a little growth. We are floored!!!! This is not what we expected, however, we still know with all our hearts that God is in control and because of that we will not give up! We have options...the dr's are going to look into some other chemo treatment and we know some who have had other treatments that have given them better outcomes than what the dr's suspected...so...this is just a set back...not an ending!!!

Please pray for Jeff's attitude and continued strength for me...I am feeling mighty weak about now, but Jeff told me tonight that he needs me to be strong because he's ready to give up & refuse all treatment; that was when I decided I will not cry in front of him anymore...but...alone, that's a different story! Anyway, keep praying for our family and the Buccowich family also. We had dinner with Michael and Sue last night and it was a great evening! They are doing pretty good right now, but still need much prayer.

Through it all, we remain blessed and comforted by your love, kindness and prayers!!!
~Jayne~

Okay...I've been tagged

I've been tagged by my cousin Becky!

Here are the rules:
1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts. 2. You must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had. 3. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag.

DENISE

D-Demonstrative with my affections...I am very ready to give anybody (who I know) a hug

for no reason!

E-Emotionally Exhausted...given the latest events in our house...my emotions need a rest at

times.

N-Necessary...right now I'm very necessary for my husband, Jeff's, day to day memory!

I-Iced Tea...what Jeff drinks each morning to get going.

S-Supplied for...God completely provides...especially when you need to lean on Him alone.

E-Enormously Blessed!!!!!

Well...let's see, I choose Lanette, Lisa Beld, Gina H., Annette B., & Rick/Monique

Sorry Evonne, I took one of yours...but I have 6 names to come up with that have blogs...please forgive me!!!!!!

~Jayne~

Quick Note..

Jeff had an MRI today (2 different types)...for the first one he had to be in that tube lying still for 15 minutes, then they shot dye in his veins and did another test for 25 minutes...I was able to stay in the room with him during the tests...they put a mirror on the top of the headset so that every time he opened his eyes he could see me...because we had earplugs (machine is VERY loud) he couldn't hear me so I just gave him a thumbs up and mouthed that he was doing good and it would only be a few minutes...now...for the results...we should hear in a day or two..so probably not til next week...please join us in praying that there is just an empty spot where the tumor used to be...but we know & believe that God's will is perfect and in His divine wisdom this will all work out! Thank you for your prayers and I will pass on results as we get them.

Blessing!
~Jayne~

2 new things in Dalaynees life...

With everything that's going on in our household, we still have normalcy...our 3 yr. old daughter has still been sleeping in a crib...now I know that's not sooo bad, but since she's been climbing onto the side railing and jumping down to get out...we decided it's time for a "big girl bed" (pretty smart for Jeff & I huh?)...anyway, we shopped around and a twin bed and mattress just isn't within our budget right now...so we opted for a toddler bed so we can use the crib mattress...she is tickled pink!!!! Some nights she wants to go to bed at 6:30 pm! The first few nights she walked into our bedroom in the wee hours of the morning afraid of one thing or another in her room, but now she stays in her bed until a decent hour...hooray! Then, while looking online I found some great princess sheets for toddler beds, the pillow case has Cinderella on one side and Belle on the other (what more could you ask for??)...Dalaynee just giggles and says my "big girl bed" is so great...and it's just the right size!!!

Up until now I have been trimming Dalaynee's hair...and not too badly, if I do say so myself. But the other day I got a wild hair (no pun intended) to take her to Super Cuts...

We were very happy with the results...BUT...

now she looks even more like me...poor kid!!

Bless you!

~Jayne~

Memory loss Smemory loss!!!!!

We just got back from the Cognitive therapy evaluation and I think this is really going to be good!!! While we were waiting for the therapist to call us, Mike & Sue Buccowich walked in...they were there for Sue's evaluation, we were very glad to see them, but didn't get much time to talk. After asking Jeff many questions and doing little exercises the therapists suggested he come in twice a week for 4 weeks to start...she believes that they can help him by giving him tools to compensate for what he's lost and help make it easier for him to remember (I still think I'd also benefit from this therapy). Jeff doesn't remember anything about the visit right now, but I believe this is going to be VERY helpful...tonight we have our group therapy, which is very good also, however, I have to remind Jeff of that as well...see, I need memory therapy to increase my memory capacity!!!! Just a note--one of the things the therapist (Shelly) asked him to do was write a sentence about himself...here's what he wrote.."I believe that God in is control of this situation and everything is going to work out fine." He doesn't remember writing that, but if that's what came out, that's how he feels...Praise God!!!!

Thank you again for all your comments, cards, gifts, and most of all prayers...God's will is perfect and we will rest in it, nest in it & fully be blessed in it!!!!
~Jayne~

One doctor appointment down with a good result...today we went to see the Oncologist (cancer Dr.) and he was very busy so we had to see his Physician's Assistant, which I didn't like at first, but she turned out to be very nice and knowledgeable (except I think she's used to following Dr. Blitzer around instead of meeting with patients on her own...she seemed a little nervous). She said that our next step with Chemo would be the same pill at a higher dosage (500mg/day instead of 150mg/day) for 5 days out of a month for 12-24 months...sounds horrible, however, the only side affects are fatigue (yet less than chemo & radiation together), constipation (which we've been able to control just fine), and nausea (which we already have medication for), so we aren't too worried about that. Then we told her what the Radiologist told us about Jeff's memory loss being permanent...she was very surprised and said that in her experience with patients who have brain radiation, it is very common to suffer short term memory loss and it is almost always temporary...she also let us know that the radiation works on the tumor for maybe months after the treatments are complete, which might still be affecting his memory...so we believe this was a word from God, reminding us that He is in control and the memory return will be in His divine timing! On a side note, she was very happy that we were going for cognitive therapy..she said they don't utilize that enough with their brain cancer patients. So, I believe all of our prayers for direction have been answered thus far...we are anxious for the cog. evaluation tomorrow and a little more confident that Thursday's MRI will be okay too, although we still covet your prayers for healing of memory and cancer and patience for me!

Thank you again for all your prayers!!!!

~Jayne~

God's Provision...

Just a quick note (in case any of you check our blog) to our "Friends @ ERC who are praying for God's healing and blessing upon us"...THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for your amazing monetary gift at church yesterday...we were overwhelmed and brought to tears!! It is wonderful to be a part of the family of GOD!!!!!

~Jayne~

What's next????

First of all...THANK YOU for all the wonderful comments about my strength...I don't feel strong at all, so when I hear that others think so, I am encouraged and reassured that God is with me!!!

Now, for our upcoming schedule...

Next week Tuesday we have an appointment with the Oncologist, he will take a blood test to check the white cells and then let us know if Jeff has to take more chemo pills. He really hasn't had a full course of chemo, so he may have to start taking them again.

Wednesday we are going to have an evaluation done with cognitive therapy...this is for his memory...it is used most often with stroke victims and any other brain damage victims...we don't believe his memory loss is because of brain damage, but this may help him to get his memory back sooner and it could enhance it as well...I was thinking that I might also benefit from a memory enhancement!

Thursday we have the appointment for the MRI with contrast...it won't hurt him at all but it still makes him nervous. I am a little nervous as well...I really don't know what the next step will be after the results of the scan.

Then the next week we have an appointment at Cedar Sinai to discuss the results of his MRI.

From Sept 30 to Oct 3rd we want to try to go to San Diego for a few days and take Dalaynee to the zoo...we need to get away!

Please continue to pray for the cancer to be gone, patience and grace for me, and a new prayer would be for God's direction...the immediate future seems so uncertain right now...our disability and family leave will be exhausted in a few weeks and I'm not exactly sure what I will do if we need more time.

Thank you again for the unbelievable encouragement and prayer...we are SOOOO blessed!!!

~Jayne~

Scan?!?!?!?!?!?!

I know everyone is wondering what the results of Jeff's brain scan was...and...it looks like somewhere I got my wires crossed...I could have sworn they said that 2 weeks after radiation was complete they would do another MRI...as it turns out, they like to wait 6 weeks...apparently the radiation keeps working after the treatments are complete...hooray! Anyway, the appointment we had this past Thursday was just a follow-up consultation with the Radiologist, which initially was the same as the once a week meetings we had during treatments...and then, this Doctor, who is one of 2 doctors that we've seen off and on during treatments, tells us that, contrary to what we've been told all along, the memory loss that Jeff is experiencing is damage from the tumor and not a side affect of radiation...which means that it is permanent!!! We were floored, to say the least! I don't mind telling you, I raised my voice to the doctor and he raised his right back to me insinuating that I must have misunderstood what I was told before and that he wanted to make sure I was understanding what he was telling me now...anyway, the meeting ended friendly, but it was a little heated for a few minutes! Because we have been told different all along, because we have heard from brain cancer survivors that memory loss goes with radiation, and because we serve a God that is bigger than all of this, Jeff & I have chosen to believe that this is just this doctor's opinion and he is entitled to his opinion...however, we are looking into an out patient cognitive therapy program offered by the hospital that will help get his memory back sooner as well as enhance it...which will help him to be more positive and feel productive.

Just in case you're not sure what is involved in "short term memory loss" I thought I'd give you an example...from the time Jeff gets out of bed in the morning until he goes to bed for the night he will ask me 20-40 times what day it is. When we left to meet my family for dinner at 6:15p tonight, he had no idea what we did today...one thing we did is get his head shaved again...he doesn't even remember being at the barber shop! Basically, right now I can't have a normal conversation with my husband, my partner...when I am telling him things that are going on with me or something cute that Dalaynee did...he interrupts me to ask what day it is or what are our plans for the evening etc...it is very frustrating, but because of all the prayer being lifted up for us I am able to answer his questions in a calm voice to reassure him and help him not to feel so lost, and also, hold in my sharing or venting until I am able to talk to my mother or sister, who have been wonderful support and strong shoulders for me.

Basically, Jeff & I both feel that this tumor is not going to kill him...but...our uncertainty about what is next brings on fear! Please continue to pray for strength, patience for me, and comfort for the fear!

As always, we would have nothing without our church, family & friends...Bless you!!!!
~Jayne~

Quick Update...

I just heard that my cousin, Lanette, had a miscarriage...please continue to pray for them, but now for her strength, & comfort in this loss.

You are the BEST!!!!
~Jayne~

Prayer for the little one..

Hey all,
I have a quick prayer request for cousins of mine in Arkansas...Tim, Lanette & James denHollander...

Here is an email we received...

This past week we found out that we are expecting our second child. Yesterday Lanette started bleeding. She is now on bed rest until at least 24 hours after the bleeding stops. Please pray that it might please the Lord to do a mighty work and allow this child to be born healthy and strong. Also pray for strength for us as we go through this trial and that the Lord would bless this and do all things to His honor and glory.

Please add them to your prayer lists...Thanks!!!!
~Jayne~

School Days...School Days!!!

Our little girl is growing up!!!! Today was her first day of preschool!!

This is her and her teacher, Mrs. Lisa (we did kid's klub with Lisa for quite a few years...we love her!!!)

After the bell is rung, all the kids get in a circle and hold hands to pray
"Heavenly Father, hear our prayer. Thank you for your loving care. Guide us through our preschool day, as we learn and as we play. Help us to be kind and true in everything we say and do AMEN"



Dalaynee was very excited! It wasn't too hard for me to let her go...and since she knows the surroundings well (it's at our church) it wasn't hard for her at all!!!

Bye Mom!!!!

They are trying to raise money to remove the sand from the sand box (it's fairly large)...it seems that some of the neighborhood cats are mistaking it for a big litter box...so probably a good thing to get the sand out...anyway, this means that we already have a fund raiser in preschool!!!! I told Dalaynee that she had to ask our neighbors if they would like to buy something for her school...although she says borrow for buy.


Well, other than that...Jeff's memory is a tad bit better, keep praying for restored memory and a clean scan on Thursday (shrunk or gone). Thank you all!!!! Blessings!!!
~Jayne~